Running your 1:1s

A 1:1 is dedicated time with your manager (or mentee) that is not a status meeting. Status belongs in a written update or standup. If every 1:1 is "what are you working on?", you are wasting the scarcest channel you have for career, feedback, and blockers that need judgment.

Your manager is not a mind reader. The engineers who grow fastest treat this meeting as theirs.

Walking through the week

Send a short agenda ahead of time, even three bullets. Keep a shared doc that both of you add to during the week. Typical healthy mix over a month:

Rotate. A quarter of pure project status means you will be surprised at review time.

Keep a running private list titled "for 1:1." When something annoys or confuses you on Tuesday, capture it in one line. Dumping a structured list on Thursday beats trying to remember while smiling on camera.

Good use of the time: surface risks early ("This launch date assumes the API ships Friday; I rate that at 40%"); ask for help only they can give (staffing, air cover); calibrate ("For promotion, what would enough ownership look like in the next two quarters?"); give them feedback ("When priorities flip in Slack without a doc update, I waste a day").

Canceling repeatedly is a signal — either the relationship is unhealthy or you are undervaluing the channel. Protect the slot.

Occasionally use a skip-level (your manager's manager) for career context or org clarity — not to sandbag your manager over routine friction. Prep: what you want to learn, what you have already tried, what decision would help. Afterward, share non-confidential takeaways with your manager so you do not create a secrecy wedge.

Common mistakes

• Status theater. That belongs in writing.
• No agenda. You will talk about whatever is loudest this morning.
• Skipping the slot until review season, then being surprised.

Check yourself

Every 1:1 is a tour of your tickets. What is missing?

An agenda that rotates blockers, feedback, growth, and career — status belongs in writing.

Your manager has cancelled four of the last six. What do you do once?

Name the pattern and ask to protect alternate weeks. If it continues, that is data about the environment.

Key takeaways

• 1:1s are for blockers, feedback, growth, and career — not status.
• Bring a 3–5 bullet agenda. Write decisions and dates.
• Give feedback upward. Ask for help only they can give.
• Repeated cancels are a signal. Protect the slot.

Further learning

Next: asking and receiving feedback.